It’s been a while since I put out a fresh new issue of “What’s in Kim’s Mailbox”. But in the meantime, I’ve been collecting an array of direct mail and email promotions that have caught my eye (and not always in a positive way).
So to reward you for the long wait, I’ve got 3 short direct mail pieces we’re going to take a look at today.
One is quite GOOD… so good that I may well end up ordering from it…
One is so BAD, it completely misses the mark (for me, anyway)…
And one is just plain FREAKY! (honestly, the solution is rather scary)…
My copy critique “muscles” are in peak shape after the past few weeks as I wrap up my Fast Track to A-List mentoring group for this year. I’ve been on a massive, brutally honest roll as I’ve reviewed multiple email and promo copy submissions from my mentees…
Often I’m running on coffee fumes with an empty stomach. I’ve ended up doing unintentional intermittent fasting since, thanks to my new writing accountability group each morning, I’ve got my butt-in-chair at 7am each morning (usually using that time to work on my first screenplay)…
…and then finally grabbing a bite to eat around 11 or noon when the stomach roaring becomes impossible to ignore!
So I’ll have my copy critique game in FINE fighting form–which you can actually see me do LIVE–when I’m a guest on my friend and top A-List copywriter David Deutsch’s Inner Circle call this coming Thursday, June 23rd, at 1pm Eastern.
Yes, I’ll be side-by-side with David, critiquing all the copy that’s been submitted and giving suggestions, and often actual copy ideas, for improving it dramatically.
(You can join David’s Inner Circle here and have a chance to get your copy reviewed by David and I this Thursday if you act fast! It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get not just one, but two A-List copywriters’ eyes on your copy.)
In any case, let’s take a quick look at the GOOD direct mail promo that landed in my mailbox… and I’ll tell you what I like about it. Here’s the front of this 8 1/2 x 5 1/2 tri-fold self-mailer…
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It’s pretty clear it’s for a meal delivery service… and they likely got my name from one of the 3 or 4 different ones I’ve tried or currently use. Not only do the tasty food pictures look healthy and appealing, the bullets at the bottom immediately address any objections I may have about them right off.
When you open it up, there’s folded-in panel that shows people relaxing and enjoying their summer with copy that reads: Get the most out of your summer. Let us handle dinner. Visit realeats.com today!
It’s straightforward and to the point… none of this cutesy or overly clever stuff that I see plague these Millennial-targeting promotions so frequently (I guess I pass for younger, lol…)
I’m not showing you every panel or else we’d be here all day, but let’s take a peek at part of the inside and you’ll see how the visuals and straight-forward copy work together to make the offer clear and compelling…
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Again, the copy is tight and to the point, overcoming all objections. And the call to action is super clear, there’s a compelling offer, and it tells you EXACTLY what to do next. There’s even a QR code to make it even easier to do so.
My ONLY criticism would be that there’s no deadline for taking action… but that would probably raise costs to do custom print runs, etc. I only hope the special offer is still there when I get around to ordering!
Okay, next let’s look at the BAD direct mail promo I got for children’s clothing. It’s an oversized 6×9 postcard and, like most people, I look at the side where the addressing is first to see who it’s addressed to. Here’s what I see…
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Okay, look, I get it… we don’t want to indoctrinate “girls do this and wear pink” and “boys do this and wear blue” from birth on. We’re living in a modern age of avoiding these kinds of stereotypes and allowing kids to form their own identities.
But it’s just a bit too, I don’t know, smug and self-righteous maybe? And to be honest, there’s nothing radical about putting a boy or a girl in the same color green onesie… I was doing that 20+ years ago when my kids were young because I liked the outfit, not out of any desire for gender neutrality.
I also find the “Made to wear but not wear out” copy a bit clunky. At first I thought it meant the clothes aren’t to be worn out of the house. I will say as a compliment they got it right with the clearly-stated offer and call to action prominently shown.
But the truth is, you can find these outfits in these colors anywhere. When you flip the postcard over, you see what I mean…
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Wait… is that a girl in a pink shirt and hat? A boy in a blue top and shorts? Girls in cute dresses? Boys in bold solid colors? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?
These clothes, the way they’re presented, DO appear to “have genders”. Marketing FAIL!
Okay, we’ll wrap up this “What’s in Kim’s Mailbox” issue with the FREAKY promo I promised to share with you. This 10.5 x 6 oversized tri-fold self-mailer showed up in my mailbox and, well, I didn’t know what to make of it at first. Here’s the front:
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These women look like they’re either half-dressed for scuba diving, or they’re going into combat! But it’s freaky enough it does get my curiosity going, even if I don’t have the problem they’re calling out (though it is common with women my age).
The copy headline is strong in that it makes a big promise–what the target market so desperately wants–and incorporates a speed of result (12 weeks). But the copy is overshadowed by the larger brand logo, making it recede somewhat.
The copy under that could be tighter and more emotionally hard-hitting… no one wakes up in the middle of the night and says, “If only I had a NON-INVASIVE bladder control solution”.
And I’m just trying to imagine a scenario where I’d be hanging out with a few girlfriends wearing my combat-ready bladder-control bike pants, but let’s read on.
I’m going to show you a picture of the inside of the tri-fold self-mailer that I took with my cell phone since it didn’t fit on my scanner. Let’s take a peek…
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Reading through the copy and visuals, I think it’s written in a logical order and the explanations are clear. It cites research (albeit no source) that 50% of women can’t do Kegels properly, and says these shorts do them FOR you in 30-minute sessions.
On the last fold-in panel (not shown) it does cite a study from a conference (not a peer-reviewed journal, so likely their own study) that claims the product worked for 87% of women after 12 weeks.
It then says you use it just 5 days a week (30 minutes a day) and can get results in as little as 4 weeks. I found that a little confusing since above it it says 12 weeks, and there’s no back-up for the latter speed-of-result claim.
I personally find the idea of wearing shorts that do Kegels for me a bit scary. The promo doesn’t address possible objections like “Does it hurt?” I’d be worried about how uncomfortable it is… or wonder if can I do other things or do I have to just sit or lie down during the 30 minutes. And how do you wash the dang things?
Tell me more what my experience would be using this product so I can picture myself using it and fitting it into my busy life. And by “me” I mean the prospect… if I need to do Kegels, I’ll just do them on my own, thank you very much!
They also could have perhaps incorporated a little humor, maybe by acknowledging right up front that these shorts do look odd… but then overcome the possible objections I raised so the prospect sees it as “worth it” and overcome the Freaky factor.
That’s it’s for today! Hope you got some ideas from the “do’s” and “don’ts” I pointed out in these breakdowns.
And be sure to check the P.S. for a quick reminder about my appearance on David Deutsch’s Inner Circle call this Thursday. Hope to see you there!
Yours for smarter marketing,
Kim
P.S. You can take advantage of a rare opportunity to have me critique your copy… AND get THE David Deutsch’s eyes on it, too… if you’re a member of his Inner Circle in time for this Thursday’s call.
Even if you don’t submit copy, you’ll learn a ton by watching both of us in action… and from what I hear, his other guests he has on regularly are pretty great to watch, too. You can get all the details here.