I’ll never forget when I was working my first job out of college and living in Washington, DC.
At least half my take-home pay went towards my share of a cockroach-infested Connecticut Avenue apartment.
The rest had to cover groceries (what groceries? the fridge never contained more than a wheel of brie and a cheap box of Chablis)… meals out (generally I mooched off my male co-workers for lunch–men were more “chivalrous” back then and we gals let them be)… bar tabs… gas… and other necessities.
One of those “necessities” I decided I could skimp on was a haircut. Instead of forking over $30 or more, I scouted out some cheaper options.
Way back then $30 was a princely sum for a haircut and blow dry — the equivalent of a whopping $83 in today’s highly-inflated dollars (yikes!) So I decided to give the local “Supercuts” in nearby Woodley Park a try.
At “Supercuts” it only cost $15 for a haircut and blow dry and they took walk-ins. I show up and the hairdresser brings me over to the washbowl to shampoo my hair.
While she’s shampooing my hair, she asks me, “You want long or short?”
I immediately started to panic… only two options? Really? I was expecting a conversation more along the lines of “more layering?”, “bangs?”, or otherwise stylistically-focused.
At this point, she had lost any trust I had in her and I questioned my decision to walk into that “Supercuts” and basically second-guessed my entire existence.
I told her I just needed a VERY slight trim and during the entire haircut I barely let her cut anything off my head. Then I scheduled an appointment at the boujie Georgetown salon I was going to go to originally, and plunked down my $30.
So much for saving money! Lesson learned… sometimes it’s worth paying more in the first place.
Anyway, I thought of that “long vs. short” dichotomy when I decided to break down two very different hair regrowth promotions that came across my desk.
You guessed it… one’s very long…and the other is very short. So short, it’s as if some nervous, coked-up lawyer took a machete to it and gave it a serious haircut.
The first one we’ll look at is the very LONG one. It’s a newspaper advertorial an elderly relative sent me in the mail. She wrote me a letter talking about her problems with hair loss and her desire to make it thicker and easier to manage.
This ad had convinced her the product could be a good solution for her, but she sent it to me to get my opinion on it. It’s not one I’m familiar with, but I know the company that makes it. I’ve seen many of their advertorials in other publications.
This particular ad is longer than the typical 1,000-word limit. Let’s take a look… (note: you don’t have to read the whole thing unless you want to. Just read the main headline and scan the rest!)
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First off, this ad is obviously masquerading as something valuable: a newspaper article. The reader soon figures out (or willingly plays along from the get-go) that it’s an actual ad (and the all-caps “ADVERTISEMENT” at the top make it clear as well).
It’s an example of how design can draw your prospect in and work hand-in-hand with the copy to make your promises more believable. But the copy does a lot of the heavy lifting.
For starters, the beginning of the main headline uses one of the most powerful techniques for making a big bold promise more believable: ending it with a question mark: “Hair Loss Reversed?”
We obviously can’t go through the copy line by line here, but it’s oozing with proof. “Clinical Trial” in front of the “Reawakens Hair Follicles” in the rest of the main headline adds credibility to it… and ending with “in Both Men and Women” ensures the ad isn’t closing off half its potential audience but calling out a broader audience instead.
The rest of the copy refers to several studies and makes use of customer testimonials and other social proof… including that opening sentence: “Thousands are rushing to get a new hair restoration method…”
At the end of the ad, the call to action is clearly stated but the pricing is not. Instead, prospects are directed to call a toll-free number. Urgency and scarcity are built in with the closing paragraph about “unprecedented demand”.
Now, contrast this “old school” approach with a direct mail promotion I received not long ago. This 6″x8.5″ oversized postcard is 4-color and unabashedly promotional in its look and feel.
It’s going for an airy, uncrowded feeling that ties in with its online branding. Let’s take a look at the front of the postcard…
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The main headline “Give you hair everything it needs to grow” avoids directly calling out the problem it’s solving or making any kind of promise, aside from hair “growing”. The copy below it plants the idea of “subscribing”, which risks turning off potential prospects.
It screams “we’re selling an autoship”, which should come later in the “relationship”, not when you’re meeting for the first time. Make them want your product, then sell them on the subscription/autoship. It’s a bit too presumptive.
By revealing up-front it’s a “supplement” versus a “solution”, for example, it can also turn off prospective buyers who may not want yet another pill to take. It gives away too much of the wrong stuff up front, and leaves out the right stuff.
You’ll see more of what I mean when we turn the postcard over and look at the other side..
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Pretty much everyone in the supplement industry says “Science-backed”… that’s not enough to qualify as any kind of key differentiator or unique mechanism. Now, the idea that the formulas are tailored for unique life stages is interesting, but so far it’s just shown me a young adult female. Show me, don’t tell me.
And here’s where you can really see some ban-hammering lawyer at work: take a look at the copy under the headline. What is that even saying? It’s long and clunky: “faster-growing hair for your body”? Is this going to make me grow more body hair? No thanks! I hate shaving my legs.
Now, the whole idea of this “offline to online” mailer is to motivate the prospect to go online to “subscribe” and save $15 their first month. And that’s very clearly stated in the call-to-action copy in the lower left.
But have they really gotten the prospect convinced and excited enough to sign up? I think not…
There are NO clearly-stated big promises or claims. There’s NO clear proof or testimonials. And there’s very little that makes you curious to learn more.
In fact, there were many missed opportunities using what they already have online that could have worked much better as a call to action. Let’s go to their URL that’s on the postcard and take a look at what we see (nutrafol.com)…
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Here’s the Home page the URL takes us to, and they’re still using that “science-y” positioning as their main angle. No clear promises.
And they’re still showing just women, though now we also have someone who’s middle-aged… and a button that says “Shop Men” in addition to one for women.
But wait… take a close look (it’s in super-tiny type at top). There’s a big promise hiding there! “…visible results in as a little as 3 months”. Now, why isn’t THAT in bigger type across the page (and on the mailer?)
And guess what could have been a much stronger call to action on that postcard rather than jumping the gun and asking for the order right out of the gate? How about inviting them to take that quiz that’s there’s in the upper right button?
When you click the “Take the quiz” button, it takes you to a “hair wellness quiz” that promises you “a personalized plan for better hair growth”. Now, that would be a good incentive to include on the postcard to get someone to go to the website.
The deeper you go into the website, the more strong copy you find hiding and proof points that are buried. The images below are a perfect example.
The study results showing 100% of women seeing improved hair growth after 9 months and 93% seeing less dryness after 6 months are huge proof points and could have been easily fit onto the oversized postcard.
And for other proof, take a look at those before and after pictures below. Pretty impressive!
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Looking at the various web pages left me wondering if the copywriter who wrote the postcard even bothered looking at the website!
Perhaps I’m too quick to blame the lawyers for this pretty yet pathetically-done postcard. Just another reminder that lazy copywriters make things much easier for copywriters like us who are willing to put in the work to shine!
One other thing… and it’s a problem I see again and again with the “offline to online” direct mail promotions. The offer on the postcard doesn’t match up with what the prospect sees when they go to the website, resulting in possible confusion. And we all know confusion is one of the top sales-killers to avoid.
On the home page at the bottom left, I see “save $10”. When I click one of the product pages, it shows “10% off”.
Good thing I have a math degree, I can sit there and work out which of the 3 different scenarios saves me the most money. But most normal people don’t want to bother with crunching the numbers.
Bottom line: don’t make it hard or confusing for people to buy from you!
Obviously, the long vs. short approach to copy should reflect your target audience and what they’ll respond to. Someone under age 50 probably isn’t going to read that long newspaper advertorial (or even see it)… whereas if that postcard showed up in my elderly relative’s mailbox, it’d likely be pitched.
However, the key principles of persuasion are the same no matter who your audience is or what your format or sales channel is.
You won’t be able to get them to the next step if you leave them out. And if you can’t do that… or you confuse them once you do… you’re done.
Hope you enjoyed these “hair-raising” breakdowns! If you want to catch up on 77 other “What’s in Kim’s Mailbox?” breakdowns on a wide range of promos I’ve covered in the past, you can click here (or on any of the above images) and get my entire 3-volume set at special savings.
Yours for smarter marketing,
Kim
P.S. A while back in a LinkedIn post, I wrote about the 7 questions you must answer when crafting tightly-written ads like newspaper advertorial, direct mail postcards, or short VSLs, etc. If you answer the right questions, you don’t always need a 24-page magalog or lengthy sales page to get the job done.
You can read it here. If you like it, please show it some love and if you’re so moved, leave a comment or question. And if we’re not connected yet on LinkedIn, please send me a connect request!